bedroom designs for boy and girl image
pat m
What exactly is it trying to teach? A moral of the story?
Answer
Teaching "abstinence only" is in principle the same whether it is to girls or to boys, except that some tweaks here and there need to be made to accommodate for the genders' psychological differences. Basically, boys give love to get sex, while girls give sex to get love. Girls want to be loved and understood, while boys want to be respected and trusted. And so the teachings should adjust accordingly to the genders' persepectives.
"What it teaches", and "the moral of the story", though, is more complex. I think teaching abstinence in a culture that doesn't support the practice is almost pointless, because there are issues that are much bigger than "don't have sex outside the bounds of a faithful monogamous relationship". Sex ed is not designed to address those issues.
In order for abstinence to work for someone, he or she needs to: (1) have an inherent value system that puts abstinence high on someone's moral priority, and (2) be part of a community that supports that value system and will keep him or her accountable for it. Otherwise, abstinence can't work because it's simply counter to human nature.
(1) For most people, this is has to do with coming from a family that practices and advocates abstinence, and discourages sexual activity in unmarried family members. They typically grew up being taught that sex is meant to be saved for a faithful monogamous relationship with a long term love partner; and thus they also acquire a different understanding of love, romantic relationship, and family compared to other people who don't believe in abstinence. It's that complex value system and its various components in function that enables one to make the supposedly impossible commitment of abstinence.
Some other people can also acquire this change of value system later in life. But that doesn't happen without some serious life reprogramming and a lot of sacrifice.
(2) In the West today, most of society don't support the value system needed in order to make abstinence work. The norm is, "If it feels good and hurts no one, then do it."
In the Orient, however, abstinence is still greatly valued. I live in Southeast Asia, and even in big cities it is still common for educational institutions and NGO's to advocate abstinence instead of "safe sex" (although the latter is encouraged in the specific context of marriage). Extramarital sexual activities that are commonly tolerated in the West (e.g. cohabitation, sleeping with one's boyfriend or girlfriend, or losing one's virginity during one's teenhood) is typically frowned upon, and could mean losing favor with society.
Having said that, this does not mean that abstinence can't work in the West, or always works in the East. I've spent half my life living in the West, including half my teenhood and my early twenties, and I made it. Likewise, I also know a number of friends who have never left this part of the world, but have slept with a number of people since their teenhood and don't feel an inch of guilt about it. I come from the Southeast Asian country with the highest annual rate of abortions and a thriving prostitution industry, despite these being illegal here.
In the West, extra effort may need to be made to become part of a community that supports abstinence. Joining a single men or single women's mentorship group at a church is one example.
In both the East and the West, lifestyle changes need to be adopted for abstinence to work out. For instance, if you don't want to end up going all the way each time you're seeing someone new, you may want to start off by not making a habit of seeing someone new each time you fancy them, but rather keep some distance for awhile to observe that person as a friend. And if you do decide to see them, you're there to commit. You keep your clothes on, away from the bedroom, and keep your physical relationship to no more than holding hands and hugs, lest anything beyond that makes sex too difficult to avoid. You don't look up porn or any other material that would otherwise arouse your desires. You don't live with or stay overnight at your partner's, and you don't let your partners bed down at yours either.
Teaching "abstinence only" is in principle the same whether it is to girls or to boys, except that some tweaks here and there need to be made to accommodate for the genders' psychological differences. Basically, boys give love to get sex, while girls give sex to get love. Girls want to be loved and understood, while boys want to be respected and trusted. And so the teachings should adjust accordingly to the genders' persepectives.
"What it teaches", and "the moral of the story", though, is more complex. I think teaching abstinence in a culture that doesn't support the practice is almost pointless, because there are issues that are much bigger than "don't have sex outside the bounds of a faithful monogamous relationship". Sex ed is not designed to address those issues.
In order for abstinence to work for someone, he or she needs to: (1) have an inherent value system that puts abstinence high on someone's moral priority, and (2) be part of a community that supports that value system and will keep him or her accountable for it. Otherwise, abstinence can't work because it's simply counter to human nature.
(1) For most people, this is has to do with coming from a family that practices and advocates abstinence, and discourages sexual activity in unmarried family members. They typically grew up being taught that sex is meant to be saved for a faithful monogamous relationship with a long term love partner; and thus they also acquire a different understanding of love, romantic relationship, and family compared to other people who don't believe in abstinence. It's that complex value system and its various components in function that enables one to make the supposedly impossible commitment of abstinence.
Some other people can also acquire this change of value system later in life. But that doesn't happen without some serious life reprogramming and a lot of sacrifice.
(2) In the West today, most of society don't support the value system needed in order to make abstinence work. The norm is, "If it feels good and hurts no one, then do it."
In the Orient, however, abstinence is still greatly valued. I live in Southeast Asia, and even in big cities it is still common for educational institutions and NGO's to advocate abstinence instead of "safe sex" (although the latter is encouraged in the specific context of marriage). Extramarital sexual activities that are commonly tolerated in the West (e.g. cohabitation, sleeping with one's boyfriend or girlfriend, or losing one's virginity during one's teenhood) is typically frowned upon, and could mean losing favor with society.
Having said that, this does not mean that abstinence can't work in the West, or always works in the East. I've spent half my life living in the West, including half my teenhood and my early twenties, and I made it. Likewise, I also know a number of friends who have never left this part of the world, but have slept with a number of people since their teenhood and don't feel an inch of guilt about it. I come from the Southeast Asian country with the highest annual rate of abortions and a thriving prostitution industry, despite these being illegal here.
In the West, extra effort may need to be made to become part of a community that supports abstinence. Joining a single men or single women's mentorship group at a church is one example.
In both the East and the West, lifestyle changes need to be adopted for abstinence to work out. For instance, if you don't want to end up going all the way each time you're seeing someone new, you may want to start off by not making a habit of seeing someone new each time you fancy them, but rather keep some distance for awhile to observe that person as a friend. And if you do decide to see them, you're there to commit. You keep your clothes on, away from the bedroom, and keep your physical relationship to no more than holding hands and hugs, lest anything beyond that makes sex too difficult to avoid. You don't look up porn or any other material that would otherwise arouse your desires. You don't live with or stay overnight at your partner's, and you don't let your partners bed down at yours either.
where should i get stuff for my new room theme?
Camryn
ok so in the next month before summer my parents are gonna redo my room, paint it, and a theme. i don't know what color or theme to do.. please help. plus ideas of where to get them from as well.
Answer
Before anyone can help with specifics, you need to have a theme or color scheme in mind. Since you do not, that should be your first priority. Some links to help with picking a theme for your room:
http://teensthemes.com/
http://www.raftertales.com/decorate/decor-themes/25-cool-teen-bedroom-themes/
http://www.digsdigs.com/60-cool-teen-bedroom-design-ideas/
http://www.hgtv.com/topics/teen-bedrooms/index.html
If you do not see anything that you like on one of these, then you can do a basic web search for "teen bedroom themes" and go from there.
What I would suggest that you do is to take a moment or two and make a list of your likes and dislikes style-wise, your two favorite colors, and the things that are important to you (family, friends, music, etc.). You'll also want to note whether you are a girly-girl, a tom-boy or somewhere in-between the two. These things can help you identify your style. Then it becomes a simple matter of finding a theme that incorporates a good portion of the things on your list. You may want to get started on this and get it finalized soon, so that the parents know what to get paint and bedding wise.
Some other sites that can help are:
For paint & color applications: www.sherwin-williams.com
Hip/trendy bedding & wall art: www.target.com (Seriously, look before you laugh - You will be surprised!)
Area rugs, lamps/lighting & decor items: www.ikea.com/us
Wall murals: www.greatbigcanvas.com
Finally, some advice that is more my personal opinion than fact:
Avoid hot pink or lime green and zebra print - It's overdone and you want to be unique, right?
A style/theme that is subdued and elegant is something that can evolve as you mature. Just because it's fashionable now doesn't mean it will be a year from now. Your aim should be something that grows with you. An easy one to pull off is black & white plus your favorite color for accent pieces or monochromatic (black, gray, white with one accent color): There are so many interesting black & white patterned bedding sets and many black & white photo posters available on-line and in stores that it is really easy to customize.
Be subtle/sedate with the color you choose for your walls. It is far easier to accent with neon-bright colors in accessories, decor items, bedding items etc (and easier on the eyes) than it would be to live and sleep in a screaming pink or hyper lime colored room.
Good luck, have fun and I hope that you end up with a great room!
Before anyone can help with specifics, you need to have a theme or color scheme in mind. Since you do not, that should be your first priority. Some links to help with picking a theme for your room:
http://teensthemes.com/
http://www.raftertales.com/decorate/decor-themes/25-cool-teen-bedroom-themes/
http://www.digsdigs.com/60-cool-teen-bedroom-design-ideas/
http://www.hgtv.com/topics/teen-bedrooms/index.html
If you do not see anything that you like on one of these, then you can do a basic web search for "teen bedroom themes" and go from there.
What I would suggest that you do is to take a moment or two and make a list of your likes and dislikes style-wise, your two favorite colors, and the things that are important to you (family, friends, music, etc.). You'll also want to note whether you are a girly-girl, a tom-boy or somewhere in-between the two. These things can help you identify your style. Then it becomes a simple matter of finding a theme that incorporates a good portion of the things on your list. You may want to get started on this and get it finalized soon, so that the parents know what to get paint and bedding wise.
Some other sites that can help are:
For paint & color applications: www.sherwin-williams.com
Hip/trendy bedding & wall art: www.target.com (Seriously, look before you laugh - You will be surprised!)
Area rugs, lamps/lighting & decor items: www.ikea.com/us
Wall murals: www.greatbigcanvas.com
Finally, some advice that is more my personal opinion than fact:
Avoid hot pink or lime green and zebra print - It's overdone and you want to be unique, right?
A style/theme that is subdued and elegant is something that can evolve as you mature. Just because it's fashionable now doesn't mean it will be a year from now. Your aim should be something that grows with you. An easy one to pull off is black & white plus your favorite color for accent pieces or monochromatic (black, gray, white with one accent color): There are so many interesting black & white patterned bedding sets and many black & white photo posters available on-line and in stores that it is really easy to customize.
Be subtle/sedate with the color you choose for your walls. It is far easier to accent with neon-bright colors in accessories, decor items, bedding items etc (and easier on the eyes) than it would be to live and sleep in a screaming pink or hyper lime colored room.
Good luck, have fun and I hope that you end up with a great room!
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